Goofy Neighbors

I know parts of this post will sound like I need to get a life and stop worrying about my neighbors and what they do. At the risk of sounding like a paranoid whacko, let me preface by noting that if we, as makeshift property managers, did not really keep our one tenant in line the yard would look like Sanford & Son's (note these 2008 photos as examples) and the police would still be making regular visits.

Albert is a 50-something year old fellow that has been on disability for probably his whole life. He had polio as a child and says he has a "bad back." I can understand how his back can keep him from getting a job but I don't understand how it impairs his brain. He is one of those people who constantly needs to be reminded to clean up, where to park, and to use a "1" to dial a long distance phone number.

One of the bigger challenges with him is how he lets family and friends walk all over him. They come by and mooch off of him by borrowing his truck, having him repair their vehicles and living with him for months on end. We have had to put an end to the never ending line of of seedy house guests with the landlord's help. He is allowed one guest for a maximum of 14 days during a calendar year.



This is my diary of dealing with those 14 days:

Day 1

Jim had Albert sign the agreement that his brother, Jesse, would be staying for the next 2 weeks. The agreement included needing to know the exact dates, who the guest would be and the vehicle that would be parked on the property. It also said the dates weren't transferable, the guest could not be changed, no guests could be added, the apartment was not to be sublet and the vehicle had to be in the designated guest parking. No guest pets were allowed. Jim also gave Albert an old garden spade of ours so that he would stop using the community snow shovel to clean up his dog's poop.

I looked over the paper he had filled out and was so happy that it locked him into the 2 weeks. Knowing that, after 2 weeks, no sketchy overnight guests would appear for the rest of the year almost made me giddy with happiness. The fact that the dates he put down added up to 15 days were just a tiny hiccup in my bliss. Albert can't do math and what's one extra day for the peace of the rest of the year.

Jesse's vehicle pulled in behind Albert's and they spent most of the day gabbing and smoking, like always. They had the added entertainment of Joe the Contractor coming by to measure the showers in the building. They were probably beside themselves with another good ol' boy in their midst.

Day 2

The day started out pretty mellow. The brothers were smoking, sucking down coffee, gabbing, and giggling their way until sometime I was out running my miles. They must have left together for a while and upon return decided that Jesse's vehicle looked better in the vacant spot for apartment #1 rather than the designated guest parking. That was breaking Albert's signed agreement but why should I care, apartment #1 was vacant.

September 2009, Albert takes a smoke break from working on his truck.

Then comes a lady friend of Jesse's to park in the guest parking. Great, 2 weeks of Jesse's friends will be stopping in to add to the smoke level that drifts into my living room. More gabbing, more laughter, more smoke come up through the floor for the rest of the day.

Joe the Contractor came in the afternoon. He wanted the key to apartment #1 to start work there. "I know I am in your parking space but I'll only be about 1/2 hour," he says. An hour and a half later Jim came home and has to park near the Mitchell's since Albert, Jesse, Jesse's friend and Joe have taken all the parking for the building.

Jim touched base with Joe upon his departure. He made sure he had what he needed and let him know that he would be welcome to park in space for apartemnt #1 while he worked, and pointed out Jesse's vehicle was wrongly there. Joe left and Jim reminded Albert that the space for apartment #1 needs to be left vacant. Jesse would need to, at his leisure, move his vehicle. Oh, and to clean up the dog poop in the yard.

Jesse actually left that night to (we assume) spend the night with his lady friend. Poor Albert was giving up his 2 weeks to such a fair weather friend.

Day 3

Another bitterly cold day and Jesse returned bright and early with a quart of 1/2 & 1/2 cream for their coffee. Maybe he was making it up to his brother that he is such a user. The giggling and gabbing started in full swing. That was the morning I bummed a ride for running at the indoor track.

Days 4 - 7

I was happily distracted with visiting family over this period. Jesse was in residence sometimes and other times seemingly not. Because Albert had agreed to specific and limiting dates, I didn't have to keep close tabs or worry about him needing to make up the days at another time.

I had a plan for the remaining days to count them down since it was a total of more than 2 weeks and I didn't want to get to "Day 15."

7 Days to Go

We slept in because Jim had taken the morning off to recover from our trip to NYC and back the day before. It was nice to wake up and have a sunny sky to go with the warm breeze. All was quiet in the apartments below.

Just as we headed out for a run, we noticed Albert's truck was gone and Jesse's vehicle was in it's place. With the quiet in the building, we assumed they both must have departed.

The quiet bliss extended well into the afternoon when they returned together. Albert chose not to park in the guest parking but in front of the vacant spot for apartment #1. He wasn't in the spot but had it blocked. Soon, Albert came knocking upon my door.

Conversation below, me, Albert.

"Hey Al, what's up?"

"Do you have that paper that Jim had that says how long Jesse can stay?"

"No, he sent it to the landlord to sign. Why do you need it?"

"I was wondering when Jesse is allowed to stay until. It had it on that paper."

"Oh! That was until the 20th or 21st. He can stay another week."

"Wow, you have a good memory."

All I could think was, "Dude, I'm counting the fricken days until Jesse has to leave."

When Joe the Contractor came he was forced to park somewhere else. Joe chose to take the parking space of Rick, the guy across the street. Unbelievable.

6 Days to Go

Albert's truck remained blocking the spot for apartment #1 as he and his brother used Jesse's vehicle to do any running around for the night prior or that morning.

At lunch, it got the better of Jim and he told Albert that he would have to move his truck because it was blocking the spot for apartment #1. Joe needed to park there if he came by later. Albert and Jesse had fun driving back and forth over a huge pile of snow in the guest parking area to make Albert's truck fit int he space.

I was out of laundry to do (the dryer drowns out their giggling) so I made plans to get out of the house later in the afternoon. When I met up with Jim, he asked what I wanted for supper. I said, "A gun." He ran to the grocery to get a frozen pizza and came back with a foam disk gun that I had fun with. Funny thing though, I never pointed it at the objects of my frustration. It's ready if I need it.



5 Days to Go

The day started out mellow with the brothers scooting out and back in Albert's truck to get early morning provisions (smokes/coffee/ice cream). His return parking did not block the other space but took up pretty much all the guest parking. If you park carefully and thoughtfully, 2 cars can fit into the guest parking.


Lunchtime rolls around and Joe the Contractor shows up about that time. He takes the remaining off-street spot and all is good. Just as Jim was heading back to work after lunch we noticed the Jesse's lady friend's car is wedged between Albert & Jesse's. If Albert had just pulled up 5' more, there would have been room for her. These guys really are not the sharpest crayons in the box. You would think that would be it, but no. A half hour later Albert's ex-girlfriend shows up to join the party by taking our guest parking space for a while. The photo of a full lot of parking is one reason why I hate when Albert has guests over - they come in droves.

4 Days to Go

I warned you that you are going to start thinking I am crazy for noticing all that goes on with these guys but, just like the out of control garbage in the yard, they have a history of causing late night chaos in this building. Just after 9 PM the night before this, the brothers packed into Jesse's vehicle and left. That could mean they return loudly at 2-3 AM after bars close or were running to Giant for more provisions. I assumed Giant and I told Jim to watch how we could see the whole way across to the grocery store and watch them circle the lot to find parking. Maybe I should have gotten my foam disk gun.

We guessed I was wrong because we never saw them pull in. Just as we tired of waiting (2 minutes), they came walking from the dead end side of the street lighting their way with the glowing ends of their cigarettes!

For reasons we will never know, they must have parked Jesse's vehicle over in the parking lot near Celebration Hall for the night. It was the only place they could have returned from that direction, on foot, so quickly. The vehicle was back before 7 AM and they chose to block, not use, their own off street parking. So strange.

Happily, they both left before 8AM and I went into town for most of the day.

3 Days to Go

The neighbors were quiet and subdued all night and gratefully left soon after I got back from my 9 miler.  It was another beautiful day so I spent it reading outside and working on a failed spray paint project. Joe the Contractor came to bang pipes just before lunch so I bummed another ride into town.

I'm not sure when the brothers got back that day but Jesse left around 8PM and did not return for over 12 hours. Maybe his brother ran out of stuff he could freeload off of him. They haven't giggled in days.

2 Days to Go

I know I can make it through with Jim home for the weekend. Joe the Contractor is making a lot of headway on the vacant apartment and it gives me hope that our shower will turn out just as nicely.



I caught a bad cold but it didn't stop us from getting out of the house since the giggling was back on full volume.

When we came back Albert asked if he could talk to Jim for a bit. He took down the copy of the agreement because we were like 110% sure he was going to ask if Jesse could stay longer. We were surprised that he said he might be moving even as early as the end of the month and wanted to know if we had received any calls regarding him (reference?/landlord?). We won't hold our breath but it seems like the scheme of the year for Jesse & Albert to move in together. Whatever it was, it had started the giggling back up.

They left about 10PM not to reappear until, silently, sometime in the middle of the night.


1 Day to Go

I still had my cold and the giggling continued. Jim was hoping beyond hope that Albert will move out. That prospect got me excited.

The brothers hung out all day gabbing and giggling so I kept the tv on even when I was reading.

0 Days to Go

In the morning, I still had my cold and it snowed overnight. I was happy knowing it was the last day. I still thought Jesse would probably stay another night and could even return for day visits but it was a relief to have made it through the 2 weeks.

The day started with the building's smoke alarms going off just after 6:00 AM. Jim went down to check the vacant apartment but more that likely it was something got burnt (coffee?) in Apartment 2. I had the chance to reinforce my training with the cats that the smoke alarm noise means they get treats. They didn't all run like they were going to be killed and came out pretty straight away. I would say the training is working.

The brothers hung out most of the morning, smoking out front, chatting away - thick as thieves. Before 10 AM a phone message was left on our answering machine asking Jim to return the call of a woman named Jessica, regarding "a past tenant." Jim gave her a call and she seemed to be a landlady asking about Albert. Jim related that although Albert is a pleasant enough fellow he will sometimes forget and get confused if things aren't in writing.

With all of that, it sure seems like the brothers are scheming to move into a new place together. Their tone sounded so pleased with themselves all morning and afternoon.

About 3:30 PM Jesse left with some clothes on hangers (typically a sign of his moving in/out). I was not 100% in belief that he is moving out though. Albert can't count and is easily manipulated into breaking little rules. I could just imagine Jesse saying to him, "What do we have to lose? We are moving out anyway." Well, the fellas could lose their security deposit especially if they aren't giving a month's notice. Jesse isn't a very bright guy either.

Although it wasn't just some wishful made up scheme on Albert's part, I'll still believe it when I see it. That goes for Jesse's leaving after this day as well as Albert's deciding to move to a new residence.

One final thought at the end of what turned out to be a non-eventful 2 weeks, without Albert in residence there are good and bad points. Good is that we will do our best never to have a smoker in either apartment again. Bad is that it's hard to do that without discriminating. Good is that we will never hear that damn truck revving in any of the parking spaces (or in the YARD). Bad is new folks could make a lot more noise all night. Good is that most people know how to behave. Bad is that with Albert we knew what to expect and pretty much had it down to a science or art on how to keep him on the straight and narrow. Unknowns can be just as stressful as having to deal with a known tenant that has been a handful over the past 6 years. Life goes on, either way.

To Write Love on Her Arms

A couple of wonderful RGBisMe blog entries inspired by To Write Love on Her Arms. I am so glad to have been a part of it.

Thoughts from the Road - #1611

Take Me Away

Take me away from the cares of the day.
Let my pumping legs make me all sweaty
and muscles burn with the demands of a run
and forget all that's pointless or petty.

Take me away from my worries and fears.
Help me burn off all that limoncelli.
My breathing and pace so unbearably fast
I can't think of her break up with Kelly.

Take me away from the pressures and stress.
A long run builds up my muscle tone
and for a moment forget others' endoscopies,
thyroid tests and kidney stones.

Take me away from the sadness and doubt
if only while I'm running hard.
A run is my daily treatment and cure;
psychotherapy for the avant-garde.

Thoughts from the Road - #1105

False Summits & Divine Stubbornness

A plateau I am on has not given way to anything other than more gradual uphills. Looking back upon the third week in October when everything seemed to be coming together seems like a fabrication, a dream. Then I had speed and endurance and never felt better.

After the Dry Valley Half I have been struggling with so much. Recovery has been longer and less successful. The colder weather that has finally set is like lead weight strapped to every part of my body. I have no real goal, nothing to look forward to, nothing to dread enough to keep me moving.

It's hard to keep on when I can't perceive progress. Even when it feel like I might have a little victory or a spark of something to shoot for on the horizon it tends to disappear like a cruel mirage. It's uphill all over again.

I am looking for a way to keep at least a snail's pace of forward momentum. I am looking for my divine stubbornness that can look past the obstacles. I need the patience to heal before forging ahead. I need the guts to stick it out for the long haul instead of quitting because the grind of it all is just too much.

Lack of sunlight, the death of my only living aunt, family unrest, my sister's illness, my swollen joints, my pulled muscle, computer woes, property management, no glittering holiday to tempt me, and extra financial burdens feel like hill upon hill in front of me. As I crest each one, hoping for a downhill, I find each is but a false summit and I must pull myself together to keep climbing. They are a never ending line of fierce beasts that need to be tamed.

Today I choose to step out of the way of the brutes and will them to devour themselves. I am casting a spell to let these tigers turn themselves into butter. Maybe not today, but soon, I plan on having pancakes. Then I will enjoy the view from the top.

The Passing of a Good Year

Here I am on Samhain (summer's end), reflecting on the solar year. Samhain is the Wiccan New Year and the Feast of the Dead. It is a time to honor and to say goodbye to loved ones who have passed on, especially if their deaths have occurred within the last year. Samhain is also a time for reflecting upon the last year, making plans for the upcoming one, and especially for banishing weaknesses or other undesired qualities within us.

The beginning of November 2009 was a low point for me. After a couple of years of sitting much more idle that I had been used to (along with general aging) I set myself up for and incurred a pretty bad injury. I injured my back just before a camping trip with very active friends.

I can remember being so depressed about the injury (and re-injury a couple weeks later) over the next few months. I was constantly sitting with a heating pad on my back. I missed a friend's birthday party and I was very worried about how I was going to be able to attend my son's wedding. Standing for periods of time were difficult, walking the streets of New York City were even harder and doing it in dress shoes was excruciating.

I healed and gained strength as December progressed but as the new calendar year approached I still had terrible fatigue in my lower back after walking only a mile. Family and some friends were very kind in celebrating our 25th anniversary but leave it to the tradition of New Year's resolutions to kick me into gear. In the dead of winter, I got myself out of the house every other morning for at least a 1/2 hour of cardio work. I am proud to say this has been able to continue to date.

Along with poor general physical fitness I also started to make a real effort to banish a lot of cynical attitudes I had taken on. I had been terribly embarrassed, months before I injured my back, when I accidentally sent a harsh and assumptive email to the person I was writing about instead of the person I was ranting to. I apologized, sincerely, and hoped they understood. Privately, I have never forgiven myself for immediately assuming wrongly about someone and still use it as incentive to keep my mouth shut and think carefully before thinking or writing. As Thumper's mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

I haven't been as successful with working out other unhealthy patterns. I have a lot less control over actions of those around me than I do with myself. Removing myself from negative situations doesn't always work out. I am doing my best to examine how I seem to get overly enthusiastic about hobbies, interests, friendships, and topics only to have them blow up in my face. As a wise Raven frequently reminds me, "Everything in moderation, even moderation."

The warmer months this year brought on new challenges which I feel I met head on. I was prepared for being guardedly more healthy without unrealistic expectations. Some challenges, the physical ones, I took in stride and accepted my limitations and even failures. Many interpersonal challenges I thought I would have to deal with never really presented themselves. Once I was prepared to try to communicate with a friend with whom I had lost touch but the moment didn't allow for it. I resigned myself to let it pass and move on.

During the summer I think I failed most with trying to breathe life back into some of my interests which had waned. Partly is was because the time was filled with so many other wonderful moments with family. Another factor was a general clashing of ethics that made it very easy to back away from the reoccurring disappointment.

As the wheel turned to Autumn, despite some noise from an old toxic friendship or two, I have been very excited to have found a nice balance. Part of this was getting up to date with a physical and all of the follow up testing that was required. I am pleased to know that all of my physical quirks, like my heart, are all things I can deal with. My doctor assured me that I had no physical limitations. For the first time in about a decade I feel like I have a handle on things for myself.

I have less time to invest in things that don't benefit myself and family. It feels good to share gratitude with those who have supported me rather than pouring endless energy into activities, groups or individuals that felt like an emotional abyss or vortex sucking away my life's energy. I am still enthusiastic about activities but am not whole hearted into becoming a part of any group associated with them. I appreciate many people but realize I often don't make a very good friend because have a habit of feeding into very unbalanced friendships.

I have had more victories than failures this year and can look back on my choices with satisfaction. I apologize to anyone who has been neglected or been left in the wake of this personal transition. I am sorry to let some hobbies go but the time and energy that has been freed up has more easily allowed me and my family to flourish. I will try to be mindful of this next year and hope to enjoy the same satisfaction again.

Why I Speak Up

It certainly isn't because I am a bold person that I will speak out against something. I find myself shaking in my trainers as I gather confidence to speak up when I witness injustice. It's seemingly easier to just turn away but the mental images and consequences of doing so usually plague me much more than just swallowing hard and continually being labeled as a crabby person, a bitch.

I see many turn a blind eye to things they know aren't right. Sometimes it's because they are experiencing a bit of personal gain until the wrong is righted. They see no reason to speak up if it isn't hurting them. Like testing a candy machine whose handle might be broken and doesn't require a coin, they will give it another twist each time they walk by to see what they might get for free. If it's broken, it's a rare person to take the free candy to the service department and let them know the machine needs attention. Who is the winner; one who gets free candy or the person who reports it? Who is the loser; the candy eater or the reporter who has someone jeer at them, "Why d'ja go and do that!?"

I found myself in a situation of overhearing a situation similar to the broken candy machine. The people it had to be reported to were actually the ones who were enjoying the "free candy." I wondered if I should keep quiet all together. That would allow them to continue to unjustly tap into something that was not theirs to take. I knew I would not be met with any thanks for bringing it to their attention. They already knew and were glad for the unearned bonus. I would be the bitch, again. I was the bitch, again.

The thing they were most disturbed by was wanting to know exactly how I found out. They wanted to know how the information leaked out, who spoiled the fun, who squealed. Silence was my response and it all had me asking myself, "What benefit would come to sharing how I found out? What good would come to those whom I had overheard talking about the 'free stuff'?"

The one thing that finally came to mind and has stuck with me were some words I had once read on how it's easier to remain silent but how it benefits no one in the long run.


In Germany they first came for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me —
and by that time no one was left to speak up.

-Pastor Martin Niemöller

Thank you to those who speak up, even against groups they are benefiting from. Hopefully you will never be alone and that many will in turn speak up for you and your rights.

Why Aren't You My "Friend?"

Much to the shock of many, I am actually an introverted person. I sometimes push myself out of my comfort zone by initiating conversations, attending or organizing group functions. To the many who only know me as an outgoing or even boisterous person, it is false bravado on my part. They are my over compensating tactics to keep me from crawling into a corner to hide.

I am a also mostly a private person; my blogging and use of social networks started as a way to keep my family connected with what I had been up to. Sharing photos online appeals to my cheapskate and time saving self. Taking time to write out my thoughts allows me to get the words that I want down properly even if there are misspellings and grammatical errors. Posting at my pace felt like I wasn't bombarding anyone via email nor failing to keep on a schedule like a regular newsletter. I talk to very few people I know via telephone. Yes, I have held many jobs and volunteer positions where people call me for information but for me to call someone for a personal reason takes a lot of psyching myself up. For all of these reasons the Internet seemed like a good place to put out information for family and close friends to catch up with me at their leisure.

Social networks are abused in many ways. For those of you that don't read After Image here is a great compilation of the topic compiled last October. I have been spotted on the street by people whom I haven't met. I have been recognized because they were avid readers of my blog. Thank goodness we had also exchanged extensive emails and I had a pretty good sense that they were very decent people when they sent me an email saying they had seen me on campus.

It has been odd to have people whom I know little about comment to me in person on topics that only my my posts cover and I had not yet shared with them as individuals. I tell myself that I have nothing to hide from the world so it's fine.

The real drawbacks for me started when rude and abrasive comments were made on this blog. I decided to moderate what could be posted. Although it would be clear to any reader that some people who disagreed with my posts had no decorum in handling their opposing opinions I also knew it could upset my family to read them at all. I really didn't think it was appropriate to encourage smart aleck responses that just foster ill feelings. I have probably only deleted a handful of comments on this blog and my Facebook account but each decision made me lose hours and hours of sleep.

I also decided to modify some settings on Facebook. I was being approached by many people with whom I had no desire to (re)connect with so I amended my privacy settings. I was reading very upsetting barbs as comments to myself, family and friends so I found how to "block" them. Facebook still keeps changing how it is set up and I constantly must make certain I am aware to update my settings.

I was also realizing that some contacts (Facebook calls them "friends") were posting things about themselves that I didn't really want to know or see. I added filters so I wouldn't see what online games they were engaged in, hunting photos of deer carcasses they were proud of or religious anthems they wanted to post.

One terribly misogynist comment on how my one contact was manipulating women at his place of business made me decide that maybe I didn't want to be connected with him even peripherally. This made me realize that I had probably added contacts more as a collection of people I know or knew at one time. I had lost the focus of connecting with family and close friends with whom I rarely get to visit. I got rid of my Twitter account at that point.

Every time I post a photo on Facebook I have to filter who can see it. Believe it or not, my family has some semi-celebrity people in it and in some circles they have stalkers. Allowing "friends of friends" to see tagged photos of family gatherings is not an option.

At the point I had to set up categories of contacts so they would filter properly is where I started to draw the line. I hated to have to make a judgment call as to whom I trusted to see certain photos or posts. I found myself wondering if I knew someone well enough not to casually mention when I was going out of town within earshot of random people and just started eliminating contacts over the months. I eliminated people whom I didn't know well enough or had showed less discretion in conversations I had with them. This process is subjective and is also intuitive.

Where some people see social networking as a tool to generate topics for what to talk about in face to face conversations, I have always been stupidly shocked that someone knows private things about me that I have forgotten I have posted on the Internet. I find that I have a feeling of mental vertigo in situations like this because I can not remember sharing the information with someone who is (out of context and without frame of reference) trying to connect with me.



It surprised me when it caused misunderstandings with a few people who felt they had done something to be disconnected. My explanation of using the social network differently appeased all but two people. The one could not understand why I did not want to reconnect with them after 20 years and the other equates eliminating a contact with eliminating friendship. Both admitted to wanting to know what I was up to. It felt stalker-esque from the international contact but just silly from the local one. I refuse to be pressed to justify my choices but the ripples of discontent they have cast have me considering Facebook Suicide.

A very kind woman I know lent me a book on understanding various personality types. I wasn't able to give it as much attention as I wanted to but it drew to my attention to an aspect of myself I hadn't really examined before. I am going to try to stay aware and hope I will be able to find a balance between not participating in things at all and entrenching myself so deeply that I can't get out gracefully. I think the trick is going to be looking very carefully at prospects, situations and even potential friendships before committing to them and being cautious about my enthusiasm levels. With any luck, I will find some middle ground well before I get to the point of having to ditch projects completely while hurting or disappointing myself and others in the process.

Gender Bias

When I experience perceived gender bias in conversations my first reaction is that I must have misunderstood the intent of the speaker. I do try to get clarification if I can. When I hold a speaker accountable for the gender bias, the most frequent response I have gotten has been, "Oh, I'm just kidding." I have also been ignored after standing firm on the issue of fair treatment by pointing out the bias. Forgive me if I do not have limitless time and energy to waste on people whose brick wall and righteous attitudes are that women are to be inherently mistrusted and put down.

I found a great set of exercises for those of us who think we are pretty well boned up on the issue. Although gender bias is a serious topic with professionally damaging consequences, WorkLife Law’s gender bias training website offers a zany, brainy approach that allows you to learn what you need to know, share your experiences, and have fun in the process.

Final Day!

Lets cheer Toolman Luke for enduring the hours of trips to Danville and back. Today is his last regular trip and my LiveStrong band made it all the way through yesterday, it broke while I was on the phone with Maga.

I hope he will do something special, stop at Preistley House and take in some Oxygen. Preistley "invented" it you know. Maybe something else since his biography was less than thrilling. Anyway Congratulations Dad and I hope you grab a good bunk at GeeserFest!

New Moon

New moon doesn't mean a "Twilight" book or movie to my family. It is simply what it is and an upsurgance in occult interest has thrust us into focus a few times because of our celebrating the cycles of the sun and moon. If it has seemed to anyone that I put off real explanations to questions about our spirituality by making jokes I apologize. It is because I am trying to avoid skeptical smirks that I am given when I give honest answers to those who I feel are open minded people. Not always but sometimes the reactions I get tell me that I may eventually be the butt of a joke that I may not be present for. It feels more safe just to keep that part of my life private.

Some interested people have requested that we include them in some of our houshold's neo-pagan rites. I feel awkward at requests like these because what an outsider might notice would seem to be next to nothing. So many of the Esbats and Sabbats become so ingrained an intertwined with our mundane lives that the moments don't seem to hold much of what many would call a ritual. This forces me to have to explain what is going on, point out the shifts in the energies, audibly add back the songs and the poems that I now hear the universe singing with every cycle. It can take the magic out of the moment.

The real ritual is that the moon cycles and the sun cycles again and again. What we do and what happens to us and our surroundings spiral along with it. The colored leaves are the mandala and the sound of their blowing is the song of worship. The new Oktoberfest brew at Otto's is the "wine" and the Doritoes hanging from our apple tree are the "cakes" for Mabon. We recognize the second harvest in the changes on the farmers market vendor's tables (altars) and the way people dress on the trails. Attitudes of hikers and hunters change and the conversations we have are different. Our lives have changed with the seasons again; magic happens.

Not every neo-pagan family regularly celebrates new moon together. It can frequently be a more personal esbat of introspection. New moon occurs in the middle of the day in the bright of the sun when many of us are busy. It's easy to have the moment slip by and not realize it until later.

This moon, Beaver Moon/ Mourning Moon/ Snow Moon /Fog Moon, is traditionally "a time of washing away the baggage of the past and letting it go. Once you've done that, you'll be able to focus on the joys of the future. During the Mourning Moon phase, say goodbye to bad habits and toxic relationships, and get a fresh start for the new year. Work on developing and strengthening your connection with what is sacred."

I look back on yesterday and see what was thrust upon us by the fates. RGBisMe finally had weather that cooperated well enough to chop and move the four large branches that were littering our yard from the early snow storm. The garden fence was spared, the branches damaged nothing. Clearing away debris as new moon approached seems a little literal to some but there it is. A clean yard for Beaver Moon.

What had also happened in the middle of the storm this past week was that the new tenant for apartment 1 inconveniently threw a change in schedule at us; he set back his lease signing by hours. This required me to rearrange a lot of other things that we had going on to accommodate one of us being here for him. This, it turned out, needed to be RGBisMe because I had become ill. It was even more tricky since RGBisMe was needed in about 12 places at once this weekend. I juggled and made calls (on the cell phone, the land line was dead from the storm) and it all worked out.

The new fellow (who seems polite enough) has a huge truck and RGBisMe saved the widening of the parking space until pretty much the last minute since he had to be present for the lease signing. It all came together, the new fellow signed the lease, moved some some stuff in and he was left to explore what was now his place.

It was a sad and odd moment of transference for us. Apartment 1 was no longer Mososo Kruppe's it was this new fellow's. We realized we wouldn't be just walking down to have a few laughs with this guy the way we had for over a year with them. It was a mournful closure to a hustle an bustle couple of weeks trying to get to the apartment occupied.

The new tenant had signed the lease exactly at new Mourning Moon. This was not contrived by us, we didn't manipulate his schedule. It was he who demanded the exact day and he could not come at the time we had chosen. Without incense, chanting, song or knowingly invoking anything, new moon came at a seemingly coincidental moment. Magic happens that way.

Dissatisfied Excellence

I know RGBisMe will roll his eyes when he sees the title for this blog. The owner of a company he worked for over 25 years ago threw this out to his management team as a kind of state to always strive for; shooting for excellence but never quite being satisfied when you feel you have gotten there.

I am not a perfectionist but "Dissatisfied Excellence" has always intrigued me as a concept. I have toyed with it as an incentive to shoot a little higher or try a little harder the next time out.

This blog is going to fall way short of my goal (incentive to try again later?). When doing research for the topic, I couldn't find too much. I found a lot on people settling for less, being zen about thier short comings, and encouragement for getting over personal failure. It will take me longer than I thought to pull it together as a topic.

Until then I will admit failure, settle for less and just share another interesting piece of writing about general dissatisfaction. It wasn't what you expected with my blog's title but, it's the best I could come up with... for now.

Are You Dissatisfied With Your Life?

By Fiona Shearer-Hann

Life dissatisfaction is something many people experience at some time or other. And for some people, it’s almost a constant in their lives. For whatever reason, many people aren’t satisfied with the status quo any longer, and wonder if there’s more to life than that they’re experiencing.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s dissatisfaction with jobs or careers, relationships, status or whatever, there’s always something you can do. But, making the necessary changes aren’t always easy.

For starters, in order to change your life, you first have to know what it is that you want to change. What aspects of your life make you unhappy, or leave you dissatisfied? This is something you often have to think very deeply about, because it’s sometimes not as clear cut as it appears on the surface. One of the things people have the hardest time coming to terms with is the fact that they have to take responsibility for their own lives, and have to stop blaming others.

When most people hear that, they’re immediately indignant – claiming that they don’t blame others. But how many people really take the responsibility for the state their lives are in. Many will claim that they’re in a dead end job because they couldn’t attend college, or because they’re “dumb”. The fact is – many very successful people never attended college, and many don’t have anything higher than an average IQ. The truth is, you are where you are today because of the choices you’ve made. Read that sentence over again until you can believe it!

What does this mean? It means quite simply that if you’re dissatisfied with an area of life, it’s up to you to change it. If you’re not happy in your job, start looking at other options. Don’t feel you have to stay there! If you need more education, then consider taking a course. Many courses are now available through the mail or online.

If you’re dissatisfied in your relationships, start asking yourself why you developed those relationships in the first place. If you truly believe that an unsatisfying relationship is worth fighting for, and working on, then do it! If not, consider getting out.

What if you’re dissatisfied with other aspects of your life? Many people (in fact, the majority of people) are unhappy with aspects of their appearance (particularly their weight). If that’s the case, the realize that you are ultimately responsible for your weight, and decide to make the changes necessary to improve your weight today. If you need help, there are plenty of online sources of information available to you, and plenty of professionals out there who would be only too happy to put you on the right track!

The fact is – if you’re dissatisfied with your life, then there is something you can do about it, now. Write down what your problems are, and start brainstorming solutions, remembering above all that you are ultimately responsible for yourself and the decisions you make. Once you truly understand that, the process will become much simpler.

How to Dance in the Rain

Thanks to DaBraLady for sending this to me
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning. He said no, he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health.

He told me she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied she no longer knew who he was, she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised,and asked him,'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'

He smiled as he patted my hand and said,'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

Apartment Applicants via CraigsList

I am no longer excited to be getting applicants for the apartment and have even less enthusiasm to reply to phone numbers in Korea or people who cannot compose a business oriented email with any decorum.

I will keep adding to these gems.
sample emails so far...

Hi I a intersted inthe eff. apartment tat you have listed o Craigs
List. Plese ma I see it and file the application process? Not able
to move in until 11/09. Thanks

hiiiiiii
I'm interest in your apartment please send me your phone number or call me at 814 XXX XXXX
thank you

hi i like to take a look at the efficiency you have listed i work quit a bit however ido have tomorrow off so do u can u please call me 717-XXX-XXXX my name is xxxx if tomorrow don't work for you than maybe we can set up something later ill hope to hear from you .

(Yes, the above name was lower case.)

hello. i am going to be a student at psu for the 2010-11 school year. i am looking for a place to rent. i am interested in renting your place. please contact me by email or cell
717-XXX-XXXX. my name is xxxxxx. thank you

(Yes, the above names were also in lower case.)

Where is this apartment located?

(There is a google maps link to the street on the ad.)

Hello,

is your proposition still valid?
If yes, please leave your coordinates, we can meet tommorrow evening. I am seriously would like to take this apt.

hi my name is xxxxx xxxxxxx and iam lookin for a place i can afford iam kinda homeless right now so iam lookin for a place asap my number is 000- 0000

I called another man and his response to me was, "Is this your number?" I replied that I had not given him my number. Another woman I called agreed to a specific time to view the apartment because, "I have practice before that." She said she would call me before she came. I hadn't given her my number either.

Another converstion on the phone starts with one fellow asking me, "So tell me something that isn't in the ad."
I hesitated and asked, "What do you want to know?"
He chirped, "I see I caught you off guard. How about the dimensions of the rooms?"
"The dimensions of the rooms as well as photos are in the ad. I am at a loss to tell you anything more because I thought the ad was pretty comprehensive."
He looked at the ad, verified the room dimensions and then went on to ask more questions that were already in the ad as he was looking at it.

I know not everyone has the ad in front of them and that people can view and record the phone number I am calling from but I feel like a lot of presumptions are being made. Business etiquette has gone out the window with a lot of other manners. I guess I am not looking forward to this process at all.

Customer Service

I am feeling customer service is not the priority as it may have once been. frequently when I need help in a store I feel more like I am interrupting the life someone who is avoiding doing their job. I apologize for needing help in a store when interrupting sales associates having animated and personal conversations. I wait while cashiers text on their cell phones. I cringe and try not to be shocked when meter readers march into my back yard while loudly jawing obscenities on their cell phones. I am the customer paying the bill, I deserve some consideration.

I have tried to determine what about me makes me invisible the times I want to be noticed and helped. I can remember wondering this while being overlooked by the staff at one such desk for minutes as they wrapped up a personal conversation with a friend who departed just as their replacement person arrived. They brought the replacment up to speed on how to run the information desk and I still waited, the only person around the desk other than themselves. Eventually another person came up to ask for directions to something and they dropped what they were doing to field the questions. As the customer departed, they started to go back to chatting informally and I said, "I am sorry to have to draw attention to the fact that I am visible but I have been waiting for quite a while." I got 2 very annoyed looks.

I pass along compliments and complaints and I try to keep them balanced. I am hoping that businesses realize that poor customer service, lack of training, professionalism and outright rudeness will cost them customers and money in the long run. Not many people I know have money to burn right now. When we choose to spend our incomes at businesses who give us professional attention, the losers will be the ones who have not trained their employees to value the customer. I refuse to be a victim of poor customer service.

Superstitions

In times of elevated stress I have been known to try to tip fate's scales in my direction by trying to manipulate my physical environment. I have looked around me and tried not to repeat anything that surrounds me during moments that have been traumatic. At it's most tame, it's like wearing a lucky shirt but at it's worst it can be like an OCD person making sure things are just so to keep the universe from coming apart at the seams.

Back in 1999, there was a terrible day while I worked in my son's ballet studio office. I came running when someone yelled for me that something was wrong and saw my son lying in a crumpled mass on the studio floor. His body was lying at a really odd angle and for the longest second of my life, I thought he was dead. He soon shifted a little to his side when one of his class mates became hysterical seeing the twisted angle at which his leg stuck out. His knee was dislocated and, because of it's shape, the patella was stuck near the side of his leg. This was a horrible moment that I will never forget and never wanted to repeat. I could never again wear the same sweater I wore on 12/2, it felt like I would be tempting fate to do so.

When he had an almost identical injury with his other leg four months later, it got worse for me. Although his first injury hadn't required surgery, the recovery had been difficult over those months. I was a nervous wreck and irrationally started looking for coincidences that linked the events. Both times he hadn't really been focusing on what he was doing, he was goofing around to a certain extent, pushing his limits as teen athletes will do. I became extreme in demanding that he never lose focus as to repeat any injuries. Another thing I fixated on was the date, 4/4. For some reason I started to dread dates like 5/5 or 6/6. Wasn't 12/2 pretty much the same thing? The patterns and coincidences haunted me sometimes.

The final year he lived at home was stressful on a lot of levels. His training was progressing to a level of competency that was difficult to accommodate outside of a school geared to training professionals. This caused frustration and urgency that he secure a scholarship in a prestigious school and remain injury free while doing so. It was his hard work that got him just that, all of my superstitious angst was certainly wasted energy.

Years passed and my son secured the job with the company he had always wanted to be in. Living a dream, lesser injuries came and went along with the frustrations of each. Over the last few years I learned to take things in stride more or less. When we got a phone call last night, it was not to the normally cheerful son we know. He had seriously dislocated his right knee again at work. This time he is surrounded by the best dance orthopedic surgeons, dance therapy and dance medicine in the country because of where he works. He is also supported by a close network of friends and people.

It is upsetting for us not knowing what the doctors will tell him today and frustrating on his part knowing, no matter what is determined, he has a lot physical therapy lying ahead of him. Although he knows I will be there for him if he needs me, he assures me things are fine at the moment. He doesn't want to be an inconvenience to anyone and is trying to take care of himself.

So where is my head at? Do I worry that he should have been more focused to have prevented injuring? Yeah, but there isn't to much I can do about that. As to the date, 12/12, I can't do too much about that either.